I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
