oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
