i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
