I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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