Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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