Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
