i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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