u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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