am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize