similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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