i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
