He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
