i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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