I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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