i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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