who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
