i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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