you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
