4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
