One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
