thus making me awesome and them whores
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
