ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
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seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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