yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
