I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
