he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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