I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
