remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
