I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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