I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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