She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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