so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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