Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize