Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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