I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
