Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
