He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
