Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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