that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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