dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up under a house in Key West
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