To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
