Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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