did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
sarcasm needs its own font
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.