um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
