I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
