1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
