I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Success! We fucked roommates!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
