I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
