We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
