Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize