..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
