I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
