Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
