id be glad to
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
