where's my purse there's an important taco in it
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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