Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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