Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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