This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
