So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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