haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
