Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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